I am the worst kind of person to date.

I ignore you for HOURS just because I can’t be bothered to reply.

Or perhaps, I just think… this is stupid.

I don’t know.

Maybe I deserve the fact that I’ll be alone for a long while.

But you know what? 

I am actually glad to be alone and free.


cockiness is so attractive to me in a way and it’s so irritating. like it’s annoying. and it annoys me. but the kind of expression and body language that comes with it. the self-satisfied attitude. the smug comments. the eye rolling. the smirking. “come and get me” hand gestures during a fight. eyebrow raising with an air of superiority. it’s just like. fuck you. i’m annoyed right now. i am so annoyed right now. but oh my fuck i am also so very, very attracted right now

You’re everything about this. Minus the fact that I’m not ready/interested/whatever

You’re everything about this. Minus the fact that I’m not ready/interested/whatever

Today I saw your face and I lost my breath a little but I didn’t collapse like I would have six months ago.

Source: I still miss you sometimes but I’m not drowning anymore and maybe they were right when they said it gets better (via extrasad)


I think we all have that one person that we never truley get over, that we still think about right before bed everynight, or you will always jump at a chance to talk to ever tho you know you shouldn’t talk to, or the first person you think of whenever you’re drunk.

(Source: infiinite3scape)

Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear that the two of you, on some level belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another or you’re in love or you’re partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don’t know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something.

Source: unknown  (via thatkindofwoman)

(Source: quozio.com)

I crave space. It charges my batteries. It helps me breathe. Being around people can be so exhausting, because most of them love to take and barely know how to give - except for a rare few.

Source: Katie Kacvinsky (via s-t-u-p-o-r-e)

(Source: onlinecounsellingcollege)

@whattheskylark that’s you

@whattheskylark that’s you

(Source: erisender)

How is it that every single time I’m with you I just get scared. I don’t want to be too close because I’m scared it will end up like the last time.

"I’m different" you say. But that doesn’t mean anything to ME.

Perhaps I’m just damn sick and tired of dating (or at least trying to) because all I remember was how he made me felt. I can’t shake off that damn feeling of being so incompetent in his eyes, being so insecure and whiney. Which I absolutely fucking detest myself to be like that. 

Sure, you don’t ever think of me that way, but I can’t help but think of myself that way. 

I’m finally confident to take on this world by myself and I don’t want to step back into that hell hole again. I don’t want to feel tied down by anyone. I want to be myself.

'You should dress up more. I know you can be those dainty girls if you want to. Keep your hair longer you'll look prettier than you already are.' How come all these feel like a fucking burden to my ears when they wouldn't have been last time?  

"I’m not going to change for you, you know right? I like how I am now and I just hate wearing heels and having extremely long hair which I have to wash after trainings." Sure it sounds like an asshole but I meant it. I really do. I refuse to change for you, for anyone else for that matter.

I’m just annoyed at this whole situation. 

I know I told you on thursday that I feel blessed to have you. I do and I meant it. But sometimes I think about all the negative feelings that come along with it simply because of my past relationship then I just think… this isn’t worth it. This isn’t what I want. I rather not have the happy blessed feeling coming at 30-40% and having negative thoughts and feelings of 70-60%. I rather have 100% at ease and be self contented and grateful. 

I have so much issues with myself and I just… don’t need this I guess.

is eight years old, she’s got pink cheeks that her grandmother calls chubby. She wants a second cookie but her aunt says “you’ll get huge if you keep eating.” She wants a dress and the woman in the changing room says “she’ll probably need a large in that.” She wants to have dessert and her waiter says “After all that dinner you just had? You must be really hungry!” and her parents laugh.

is eleven and she is picked second-to-last in gym class. She watches a cartoon and sees that everyone who is annoying is drawn with a big wide body, all sweaty and panting. At night she dreams she is swelling like the ocean over seabeds. When she wakes up, she skips school.

is thirteen and her friends are stick-thin ballerinas with valleys between their hipbones. She is instead developing the wide curves of her mother. She says she is thick but her friends argue that she’s “muscular” and for some reason this hurts worse than just admitting that she jiggles when she walks and she’ll never be a dancer. Eating seconds of anything feels like she’s breaking some unspoken rule. The word “indulgent” starts to go along with “food.”

is fourteen and she has stopped drinking soda and juice because they bloat you. She always takes the stairs. She fidgets when she has to sit still. Whenever she goes out for ice cream, she leaves half at the bottom - but someone else always leaves more and she feels like she’s falling. She pretends to like salad more than she does. She feels eyes burrowing through her body while she eats lunch. Kate Moss tells her nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, but she just feels like she is wilting.

is fifteen the first time her father says “you’re getting gaunt.” She rolls her eyes. She eats one meal a day but thinks she stays the same size. Every time she picks up a brownie she thinks of the people she sees on t.v. and every time she has cake, she thinks of the one million magazine articles on restricting calories. She used to have no idea a flat stomach was supposed to be beautiful until she saw advice on how to achieve it. She cuts back on everything. She controls. They tell her she’s getting too thin but she doesn’t believe it.

is sixteen and tearing herself into shreds in order for a thigh gap big enough to hush the screams in her head. She doesn’t “indulge,” ever. She can’t go out with friends, they expect her to eat. She damns her sweet tooth directly to hell. It’s coffee for breakfast and tea for lunch and if there’s dance that evening, two cups of water and then maybe an apple. She lies all the time until she thinks the words will rot her teeth. She dreams about food when she sleeps. Her aunt begs her to eat anything, even just a small cookie. They say, “One bite won’t make you fat, will it, darling?”

is seventeen and too sick to go to prom because she can’t stand up for very long. She thinks she wouldn’t look good in a dress anyway. Her nails are blue and not because they are painted. Her hair is too thin to do anything with. She’s tired all the time and always distracted. She once absently mentions the caloric value of grapes to the boy she is with and he looks at her like she’s gone insane and in that moment she realizes most people don’t have numbers constantly scrolling in their heads. She swallows hard and tries to figure out where it all went wrong, why more than a granola bar for a meal makes her feel sick, why she tastes disease and courts with death. She misses sleep. She misses being able to dream. She misses being herself instead of just being empty.

is twenty and writes poetry and is a healthy weight and still fights down the voices every single day. She puts food in her mouth and sometimes cries about it but more and more often feels good, feels balanced. Her cheeks are pink and they are chubby and soft and no longer growing slight fur. Her hair is long and it is beautiful. She still picks herself apart in the mirror, but she’s starting to get better about it. She wears the dress she likes even if it only fits her in a large and she doesn’t feel like a failure for it. She is falling in love with the fat on her hips.

She is eating out with friends and not worrying about finding the lowest calorie item on the menu when she hears a mother tell her four year old daughter “You can’t have ice cream, we just had dinner.
You don’t want to end up as a fat little girl.”

Source: Why do we constantly do this to our children? /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)

If you don’t love a person, you’re going to forever be searching for someone else.

Do you know that despite everything

I’d still put aside everything just to watch you and be there? I’ll forgo my studies, my priorities, my everything just because you will be my #1 priority if you were mine.

It makes me upset and hurt to know that you still cannot accept me no matter what. To know that she’d rather study (who knows, maybe you want her to study too) than watch you. I know that something just happen and I cannot forced it. But I still wished it worked out. But I need to consistently remind myself to snap out of it. 

以前说了,还是同一句话 I hope she makes you happy despite everything that’s going on in her life, and I hope you’re happy too. 

Because nothing would hurt me more than seeing you hurt.



If someone cheats on you they do not love you, remember that. If someone cheats on you they do not care about you as much as they say they do. If someone cheats on you it means that for a split second you were off their mind long enough for them to put another person in arms that should only be for you. If someone cheats on you, dear god, I hope you don’t go back to them because you are worth so much more than that.


Highly doubt anyone still reads this, but thank you for a good night yesterday (: It was a good end to week 5 of my Y2S1 journey. Couldn’t have been more touched by your gestures which seems very minor. But I’ve lost so much faith in people that I was doubting that people like you still exist. 

" Sometimes you don’t have to do anything, people just appear haha"

Well, thank you. Thank you for appearing in this dark times I’m going through. It was such a nice surprise to get that surprise from you and also to hang out with you knowing that it wasn’t boring and it was fun. 

I was so afraid I would be a boring person to be with since I’m super socially awkward now. Thank you stranger turned friend (‘: 

Not sure how to explain this.

But I find myself pulling myself away from everyone. I don’t want to do this but I find fear in being around people. Perhaps I’ve lost trust and I’m just fucking jaded of having “friends”. I am really really so exhausted. Holding back tears as I typed this because it’s so painful. It’s so fucking painful to not want to do this but can’t help it. I don’t even feel like speaking on most days. I am so tired of having to smile and initiate conversation when I meet people. All I really want to do is to just stare and walk away and not have people say “why are you so anti-social”.

I need space but I don’t know how to get space without hurting. I only know how to pull myself away from everyone else. I don’t know how to deal with these feelings anymore. I’m sinking and I’m terrified. 

Save me please.